MWNews 251

 Hello,

I think I might be back. You will know if I ever publish this. If you don't see it, assume I am not back yet.

I thought I would try something. A lot of caveats with it and it may not work, but I need to try to get some stuff down on paper.

What I want to do is get kind of a history of Maeghan and William and our lives before and after they arrived. Kind of what this whole blog has been about, but I am not sure how much specific detail I have included over the years and I wanted to make sure their story is told before I forget everything. I assume I will need more than one part to each of these, but we will see how I go.

I am pretty much stuck in the 'I forget everything' phase. I don't remember a lot of things that are happening now and I am not so sure I will remember things from the past. What I want to do is just write them down as I remember them. I will probably go back and re-write or add to or change things as I go along. My plan is to get all that I can down in several parts. I will not publish until I have most everything I wanted to say. I can always go back and revise later, but I want it to be a whole story before it goes public. 

A lot of it will be how Juanita and I felt, or mostly how I felt, before and after each of them was born. What I remember we were going through at the time and then some things that we went through after. Since they are both adults now, there probably won't be a lot of what they are currently going through, but there is a lot to tell on that front, so I might create some entries along the way that address that. 

It's a big job, and I don't expect to finish it anytime soon. But you will have no idea that has happened as it will all appear at once and there will be no delays in each entry. Or, I don't think there will. Since I am just starting, I really have no idea where this will go or what my eventual plans will be. But it's a start.

To give some context, it is now 7/7/2026 when I am starting. If I ever get some of this published, you can refer to that date as to when I actually starting writing this. I am currently still working at BGGS and I am there now, but I hope to continue this at home, in my free time. It will take away from me watching movies, but my chair is not comfortable in front of the TV, so I will move on to the desk to do the writing. Maybe, probably, I will do some more at work, but that's not the plan. 

I don't know what to call these. Right now, this entry is called Maeghan's Story pt1, but that won't last. As this is turning into more of an introduction than an actual entry, I will probably call it entry 251, to signal I am back. Later episodes will probably be titled something else, I don't know what. 

Just so you know, to lead off, my memory problems have gotten worse. My health is probably better but I really just believe I have gotten used to all the things that are wrong with me. I seem to recall things from the past but not recent things. I still have a lot of trouble remembering the exact details, names, dates and locations of things in the past, but I have the general idea of what happened. Or, I think I do. A big thing, like right now, is that I cannot remember where we were living when Maeghan was born, or when. I don't recall the hospital experience of either Maeghan or William. I did, but now I have forgotten. I am hoping to remember. If I don't, this little experiment will end pretty quick. From experience, I usually do not remember and it is gone. Or if I do remember, I don't remember that I forgot, so I think it is a new idea or new information. 

The absolute biggest problem I have is that I always think I am forgetting something. Something I was doing, or wanted to do, or needed to remember to do. I feel like that all the time. It makes me very anxious. No one seems to be able to help. To me, they just say they're sorry and feel bad for me but no one actually does anything. Especially the doctors. I've given up on getting help. According to them, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly normal. I can tell you, I don't feel normal and I absolutely hate it. But what am I to do. Private insurance? Maybe. But that is expensive and I don't have enough money to retire on now, so I can't add the expense of more insurance. Another big reason why I am starting this now. If it does get worse, I won't be able to do it. So I am getting it down, writing what I know and going to try to make someone know that, in the end, I really love my children and I already miss them more than I can really stand. 

Don't expect jokes. It will probably be a bit sad. But I will try to make it as entertaining as possible and not fall into the self pitying rhetoric I have included in the past and continue to do even in this entry. I'm a fun guy. I just don't have a lot of fun. This is how we roll.

We will go on a ride, see where we are, where we have been and hope for the best. I am sure I already went through a lot of this in all the other entries. In case you haven't heard, my memory is failing.

Later