MWNews 250

It's 250. Who knew it would take this long. The several years I took off might have been an indication. Not that I don't have a lot to say, I just haven't ever found a way to do it consistently. Especially, not at home. In the beginning, that was how I did it, but over the years, that kind of changed. I'd like to do it at home, but there is so much else to do, and I don't like sitting at the computer anymore, it is just not something I try to do. You would think I wound not have an issue working on a computer, it is my job, but I have basically burned out on it. Hate looking at them, hate typing on them, don't even really like looking things up on them. Maybe if I got back into programming, I would enjoy it once again, but I am too old to learn a new language and I do not have the motivation to do it anymore.

Once again, I had to step away and I have no idea what I was going to write. I guess you might wonder why my picture is on this one. It's because I am thinking of ending this again. And to show I am even more serious about it this time; I thought the last picture should be of me. Just to remember me by. 

Even as I type, I am having trouble saying that. Not sure why. The last entry and I am serious about it. Almost to the point where I might change my mind. It would just be too sad. Kind of like I just gave up and no one would ever know this existed. I think I have to get something out there where this has more views, specifically, or at least, by my own family. No one reads it and I am not sure they remember it is here. Almost certainly, they do not. Maybe I'll pass it on in my obituary. Then again, I don't get to write that, so it might be a bit hard to do.

In the end, I will almost certainly keep on writing. I should change the picture, but maybe I will leave it just to celebrate the 250th entry. This was me at age 63. It is a year old, but other than the beard being a bit shorter, it is me. Sorry to disappoint.

I am going to take my time doing this one. One, I get interrupted and forget what I was going to write. Two, in case it is the end, I want to get a lot in here to say goodbye. Three, I am not feeling well again, and it scares me. Been alright since the operation, but I can sense? feel? it is coming back. A little pain here, a bit of uncomfortableness there. Nothing big, but it scares me, and I am starting to worry about it. I am afraid this time, I may not recover. Damn, that took a bad turn, but just in case, if anyone ever goes back and reads this, you will know I knew the end was coming. I have always thought I had till I was 70, can't say why I knew or know that. Read my other blog if you want to know. So, I still think I will make 70, but maybe it won't be a fun ride. That's a long time to go with pain and seeing everyone worry all the time. I hate that. Always being asked if I am alright. No, I am not alright. Stop asking, just assume I am not and let's move on. But if it does get worse, I will have to submit to it all the time, every day, every hour. I do not look forward to that. I will hate it and I will not be happy. Let's move on. I will probably come back to it, but let's move on.

Four, I wanted to maybe put some highlights from the years into this entry. I still recall some of the things I wrote back in the beginning and some of it needs to be repeated. It was funny and I still laugh. Problem with that is, I would have to go back and read it all to find interesting passages and things I should include in this epitaph. And it would make this way too long. One story, really quick, that has been on my mind a lot lately and I still laugh.

Maeghan was little. It was one morning, somewhere we have lived. Juanita was in the kitchen, can't explain that one, and she asked Maeghan what she wanted for breakfast. Maeghan said noodles. Maeghan always says noodles, especially when she was little. Juanita told her noodles were for lunch so what did she want for breakfast. Maeghan sat there for a minute, thinking about, then announced she didn't want breakfast, she wanted lunch.

Not the exact story, but as I wrote, I still started laughing and the people at work looked at me kind of funny. I just miss that. Maeghan and I still say lots of funny things to each other, but I miss the old times when it was all new and we were all just delighted with everything. But, since I did draw attention to myself, I am going to have to stop typing again and do some work. Back when I can.

I am back the next day. Got to work a bit early, so I have some extra time. If I could remember what I was talking about, this would go a bit better. Re-reading it is never a good option. But I say that a lot. I find I am repeating myself more and more. Another reason I think I should take a break. 

Maeghan is going to her ComiCon this weekend. She leaves on Friday and will stay over the weekend. I am not sure what the total plans are but she has gotten tickets to meet Dr. Who, so that might be good. I won't mention the price of those tickets. More money than I would ever consider paying. 

Maeghan is going somewhere tomorrow, and she wants us to meet her there. I think we are meeting at the shopping center, or that is where I will meet them. I think she is going somewhere else before then. Some cooking shop I think. It might be to get me something for my birthday. I hope not. I appreciate it but I don't want her spending her money on things I want. I have no idea what it is she might be getting, but I hope it's not for me. I will meet them at the shops when I get off work. 

I would consider taking the day off but I have to save all my days off. I have the next operation in a couple of months and I have used all my vacation time and my sick leave, so I have to save it up so I have enough to use during that. Not sure if I will need more than a couple of days, but just in case, I will save all I can until then. Might be able to get a couple of weeks worth by then. I get four weeks a year but it is accrued as you work, so it is about a week every three months. I have a few days now, so maybe I will make it. Have to consider the August operation also, if that is going to take place. Won't know that until July, probably. 

William is applying for jobs, or I think he is. He wants to print out his resume, he already has, and give it to different places. I think he doesn't understand that it is all done electronically now, they don't take printouts, but he insists that is what he needs so that is what he is doing. He says he cannot figure out how to submit it online. Probably needs to figure that out if he is going to claim he knows computers. His other job ended, or the contract ended, it was only for six days and he hasn't been asked about anything else yet. Hard for him to do that work since it has to be easily available for him to get to. We can't drive him to different places with both Juanita and I working. More and more reason I need to get another car, teach him to drive and let him drive himself.

Now that is a scary thought. Letting William drive my new car. Almost makes me want to just get an older car so he can drive that. First task is to get to the point where I have to make that decision. With all the things that keep coming up, I keep have to dip into my car fund. I almost get there, and then something comes up and I have to spend it. I am afraid I will have to fix the old car soon and that will wipe out my savings again. The van has a few bumps and issues that need to be addressed sometime soon. Nothing that prevents it being driven but it is using a lot of oil lately and I am worried about that. Don't have the time to put it in to have it checked and even if I did, that would wipe out the fund again. I want to make it last until I can get the new car, then we can think about fixing the old one. Never works that way, but it is the goal. It was a lot better when I owned three cars. Those days are long gone.

Guess I need to start into my wrapping this up. And by wrapping this up, I mean what do I want to put into my supposedly last entry. We all know that it will not be the last, but I really think I should take a break, so it is one less thing I have to think about. I know 250 is not really the number, or it is as there have been 250 entries, but the beginning ones were me just testing this and not really entries of any importance. But it says 250 at the top, so it means something.

I took a couple of years off. I don't know why, or I kind of do but I don't want to think about it. Went through some rough times back then. Not sure if it all came out better. Looking back, I would have done some things differently, but who would not do some things differently if they had the chance. I have always known I should have put more William in this. In the beginning, it was all Maeghan and I kind of just stuck with that theme. I didn't really want to leave William out, it just kind of happened that way sometimes. I make an effort to say something about both of them each time but maybe I could have tried harder.

Regrets, regrets, we all have a lot of them. Me no more than any others but we all think we are special, and our circumstances are different. They aren't. I'll mention my other blog again, but it is not really a blog and I have not done anything with it in a very, very long time. It is a different side of me. Something that will not intrude here, no more than it already has. Maybe I will spend some time cleaning that up and improving it. I might even start the blog that I have always wanted to do, but I don't know when I would do either, so it's just a dream.

I wrote a whole bunch of stuff about putting some specific messages to specific people in here, but then I erased it. Decided it wasn't worth it, or I just didn't like the way it read, so I stopped. Just some notes to the people I want to read this, letting them know I appreciate them and hope they get some enjoyment out of this blog. But it's gone now, so you will just have to imagine what it was.

Another day and I am tired of this entry. Amazingly, I can see that I got a bunch of views yesterday. I have no idea from where or why. I will have to investigate. 

As far as writing more in this entry, I think I will give it up. Too much to say and not a lot of time to do it. Students will be returning next week so my time doing this at work will be cut short. Plus the whole tired of doing this thing. Let's just say, I have loved doing this. It has been good for me and possibly good for the kids to look back upon. I will be back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few weeks, months or years. I don't really know.

I love you Maeghan and William. You have gotten me this far and I hope to keep depending on you for a long time to come. I hope you eventually read all this and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I hope it gives you an idea for the future. Maybe start one for your own life or family. Not something that everyone would like to do, but I can recommend it. But remember, do it for yourself and not for recognition or appreciation. Do it because you want to pass something along. It is worth it. As my father once told me when I first started this. He said to keep at it. The stories are great and will be appreciated as priceless in the future. I think he was right. They are priceless and even if I never write anything again, I will enjoy going back and reading them. Probably take a couple of weeks to read through it each time and since my memory is gone, it will be fresh each time. I am looking forward to it.

For maybe the last time,

Until next time, 

Later