MWNews 252

I remember back before Maeghan was born, we hadn't really planned on having kids. Mainly because Juanita could not have kids. She had had her 'tubes tied' back before I met her. She had not planned on having kids and I was over 40, so I didn't have any plans. 

We were living in Sydney somewhere, I would have to think long and hard about it to determine where we were at the time. I believe it was while we were still in Penrith. In fact, I can almost guarantee it, since she was born in Penrith hospital. I must have been working at CSC at the time, but I can't really be sure. I might have still been at Fujitsu, but I doubt it. Now that I am thinking about it, I can't really say. I should probably go look that up or something. 

I am not sure why we decided to do it. We would have to go through IVF. Wasn't really a problem and I am sure we were happy about it. I mean, having a new baby via IVF is not something you do on the spur of the moment. We must have really wanted a child. As I like to say, we were so keen, we went out and bought one. Maeghan doesn't really like it when I say that, but it's true. We choose to have her. It wasn't an accident. I think she should appreciate that more.

I have no recollection on how much it cost. $5000/$6000, maybe more. I don't remember. We got all the warnings that it might not take the first time and it would cost that much each time we tried. I seem to recall that we were not worried about it. I have no idea why. Seems like that's a lot of money but maybe it wasn't. We decided to do it.

Fortunately, it worked the first time. Juanita said she could always get pregnant real easily, hence the need to tie her tubes when she was still young. We were told we were running out of time as the older you get, the harder it is to do. We didn't have a problem.

As I recall, there seems to be some dispute about who paid for this procedure. Juanita seems to think that her daughters paid for it. I don't remember that and I know it is not true. They were not old enough and did not have jobs. They might have given us money for when we had it done for William, but what I recall is that they talked about giving us money when we had William. I know I paid for both. Maybe they gave us a token amount, but there is no way they paid that kind of money back then with no jobs and mostly still living with us. It doesn't really matter, but if anyone ever makes that claim, you tell them I paid for it and was happy to do it. Again, we choose to have these kids and spent money to do it. It's always good to keep these things in the family.

I just ran into the other problem with doing this. It is now the next day and I have no idea where I was going with this. As it gets longer, I will forget what I have already said and begin to repeat myself. Maybe in the final version, I will read back through it all and make it make sense. That seems like a lot of work. But, according to my plan, which doesn't really exist, I will make this into a real story type thing and it will all make sense in the end. Probably not a plan I will follow but it's a start.

Right now, I am thinking I have already told this story in piecemeal fashion in other entries. I have no idea if that is true. I am going to continue under the assumption that it is not or just telling myself this will be better than what I did before. I am hoping for an interesting lightning strike that brings it all into focus so I can actually do what I think I want to do. So, pray for rain.

I am also not sure how or when I will break this up into pieces. Should I just type it all into one entry and go back later and decide where it needs to have breaks, or start making the breaks now and run the risk of not being able to edit it later. I can always edit. The one big entry that I break up later runs the risk of losing everything if something ever goes wrong with the one entry and I can't recover it. Breaking it now lends itself to not being able to remain consistent. 

Bugger it, I'll just type and the reader can figure it out. And yes, I hate the fact that I said bugger it. Where am I from? 

As I am typing, I am about to say to hell with it. I will just go back to making entries like I used to. There is a lot to say and a lot I want to say and a lot I need to say. My original idea was to tell a sort of cohesive story about the beginnings of Maeghan and William. All the troubles we had and went through for each of them. As I said, I think I might have already done a lot of that but I was going to get it down in a straight forward manner so it was not interrupted by side quests and transits to other worlds. But now, I want to write stuff, like I used to. Everything that is going on now and everything that might be happening or did happen in the intervening years since I was writing.

I guess what I am saying is, 

I AM BACK.

For good or evil, I will try to start writing again. Probably not as much about the kids, but that is their problem. If they want things to be put in here, they can read this and tell me what they want me to write about. 

I still want to do the origin story thing, but it is probably going to be piecemeal (I seem to be typing that word a lot). A story here and there, a reference to something that was, or a tangent into the unknown. I will eventually get it there, but not as fast as I wanted.

I suppose now, I need to figure out how I will end these things. I used to have a saying but that is too much trouble. And I always wanted to end them in the same way, but again, too much trouble. How about.

Later

MWNews 251

 Hello,

I think I might be back. You will know if I ever publish this. If you don't see it, assume I am not back yet.

I thought I would try something. A lot of caveats with it and it may not work, but I need to try to get some stuff down on paper.

What I want to do is get kind of a history of Maeghan and William and our lives before and after they arrived. Kind of what this whole blog has been about, but I am not sure how much specific detail I have included over the years and I wanted to make sure their story is told before I forget everything. I assume I will need more than one part to each of these, but we will see how I go.

I am pretty much stuck in the 'I forget everything' phase. I don't remember a lot of things that are happening now and I am not so sure I will remember things from the past. What I want to do is just write them down as I remember them. I will probably go back and re-write or add to or change things as I go along. My plan is to get all that I can down in several parts. I will not publish until I have most everything I wanted to say. I can always go back and revise later, but I want it to be a whole story before it goes public. 

A lot of it will be how Juanita and I felt, or mostly how I felt, before and after each of them was born. What I remember we were going through at the time and then some things that we went through after. Since they are both adults now, there probably won't be a lot of what they are currently going through, but there is a lot to tell on that front, so I might create some entries along the way that address that. 

It's a big job, and I don't expect to finish it anytime soon. But you will have no idea that has happened as it will all appear at once and there will be no delays in each entry. Or, I don't think there will. Since I am just starting, I really have no idea where this will go or what my eventual plans will be. But it's a start.

To give some context, it is now 7/7/2026 when I am starting. If I ever get some of this published, you can refer to that date as to when I actually starting writing this. I am currently still working at BGGS and I am there now, but I hope to continue this at home, in my free time. It will take away from me watching movies, but my chair is not comfortable in front of the TV, so I will move on to the desk to do the writing. Maybe, probably, I will do some more at work, but that's not the plan. 

I don't know what to call these. Right now, this entry is called Maeghan's Story pt1, but that won't last. As this is turning into more of an introduction than an actual entry, I will probably call it entry 251, to signal I am back. Later episodes will probably be titled something else, I don't know what. 

Just so you know, to lead off, my memory problems have gotten worse. My health is probably better but I really just believe I have gotten used to all the things that are wrong with me. I seem to recall things from the past but not recent things. I still have a lot of trouble remembering the exact details, names, dates and locations of things in the past, but I have the general idea of what happened. Or, I think I do. A big thing, like right now, is that I cannot remember where we were living when Maeghan was born, or when. I don't recall the hospital experience of either Maeghan or William. I did, but now I have forgotten. I am hoping to remember. If I don't, this little experiment will end pretty quick. From experience, I usually do not remember and it is gone. Or if I do remember, I don't remember that I forgot, so I think it is a new idea or new information. 

The absolute biggest problem I have is that I always think I am forgetting something. Something I was doing, or wanted to do, or needed to remember to do. I feel like that all the time. It makes me very anxious. No one seems to be able to help. To me, they just say they're sorry and feel bad for me but no one actually does anything. Especially the doctors. I've given up on getting help. According to them, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly normal. I can tell you, I don't feel normal and I absolutely hate it. But what am I to do. Private insurance? Maybe. But that is expensive and I don't have enough money to retire on now, so I can't add the expense of more insurance. Another big reason why I am starting this now. If it does get worse, I won't be able to do it. So I am getting it down, writing what I know and going to try to make someone know that, in the end, I really love my children and I already miss them more than I can really stand. 

Don't expect jokes. It will probably be a bit sad. But I will try to make it as entertaining as possible and not fall into the self pitying rhetoric I have included in the past and continue to do even in this entry. I'm a fun guy. I just don't have a lot of fun. This is how we roll.

We will go on a ride, see where we are, where we have been and hope for the best. I am sure I already went through a lot of this in all the other entries. In case you haven't heard, my memory is failing.

Later