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Bad beginning, overly dramatic, and doesn't really tell the story, but the fact remains, Juanita has been told she has cancer. Now before we jump off a bridge and run to the phone, let me say it is skin cancer. She had a biopsy done on a mole on her neck that had started bleeding. It was tested and they found it was cancerous. She is scheduled to have it removed and all the skin around it removed as well, next week. She is told that they found it early and it should not be a problem. I will hold judgement on that statement until I get a chance to research it. I think it is next Wednesday when she will be scheduled for the surgery, which is in clinic surgery so she will not be going the hospital or anything. She is told it will take fifteen stitches to close it as they do this type of thing all the time. The procedure itself is not a big deal, it is just a matter of removing as much as possible and hoping they get it all.
I was not with her when they told her, I went to the shops next door to wait as she had two appointments at the time, and I did not want to sit in the doctor's office for a couple of hours. She texted me as soon as they told her, and I came back across the street to be with her. It was not a lot of fun and I know she did not take it well, but I think it will be ok in the end. My biggest concern is that most of the time, once you have skin cancer, it will eventually come back. Maybe not soon but it seems to me that it always comes back and usually in bad places. Then again, I don't really know a lot about it so I cannot be sure.
I am trying to stay calm around her and not get upset but with the way I am feeling lately, I don't get excited or emotional about anything. I do, but that is another story that now one knows about yet. I am not sure I can be what she needs. I will try but I don't know if I have it in me anymore. Four years ago, I might have and would have been all over helping her but now, I have lost a lot and try not to feel anything anymore. It hurts those around me and is not good for me or them, but it is all I can do to hold it together anymore and things like this are not good for me. But this has to be about Juanita and what she needs and more importantly, the kids and making sure it is not a big deal to them. Letting them know it will be alright and it is not something they need to worry about. That will be what I need to focus on and what I need to make sure they do not panic. Holding Juanita together will be much more of a challenge, but I have been there before, and I will be there again.
As long as I am telling the tales of woe, I might as well give an update on my situation. I am starting to get worried. About a lot of things but my left arm and hand have started going numb if I raise them for any length of time, like driving or typing. It goes away when I let my arm hang down, but my fingers get really numb and my wrist hurts a lot lately. It would point to a circulation problem in my opinion, but I am scheduling a doctor's appointment to have it looked at. Not that the doctors are looking at anything lately, again a story for another time, but it has gotten to a point where I have to do something. I am getting a lot of angina attacks again, seems to come and go sometimes but has been happening a lot lately. Not sure they can or will do anything about it, but it is something else I need to report. I am having a lot of mental issues as well, but I have chronicled them in the past and the only change is it is getting worse and worse, and I have started listening to more and more podcasts that seem to be telling me what is happening. Not that I seek them out, but some of the stories they tell describe my symptoms exactly and that scares me. Most of them do not end well. The one I listened to this morning was describing where you can go to end your suffering, where it is legal to end your life under a doctor's care. Seems kind of morbid and I could not finish listening to it but once again, it is disturbing.
I think I will continue this train of thought and describing all our medical troubles and then start a new entry this afternoon that will hopefully be more cheerful. Of course, I am at work, and I have the time, but I do have some things to do this morning and need to get them done so my afternoon will be free. And I do have some cheerful or less painful things to write about, even some things about the kids, but I don't want to switch gears so rapidly in this one and start describing all the good things after telling all the bad, so let's continue the morbid procession.
Juanita also has some other procedures they are looking to do. Some women's things that I don't know how to describe. I am sure if I just spouted the words, someone would understand but I don't really know what they mean or what she is talking about, so it is best if I don't describe them. Some kind of operation to remove something or other left over from her last operation many years ago. She is also still looking at getting the bariatric surgery done but I do not think she will ever qualify. They want to make sure you can do the routine you have to go through after the operation, and she has not been able to prove she can do it so far. Very restrictive diet and mostly doing things that she has never been able to do, like exercise and no eating. With the diabetes, she gets hypos', a term I hear but am not familiar with. It basically causes her to panic and feel very bad until she can get her sugar levels up, usually by eating something, but her problem has always been she eats too much of whatever she needs to and then that ruins her diet. So, it is a problem. And what I would assume is a big problem. I have always, or not always but mostly, been of the opinion that exercise is the first thing you need to get down. Once you can do that on a consistent basis, then you can look at your diet because one without the other does you no good. She has never been up on the exercise part. Not that I have either but if we could do it together, it might help. My problem is I don't get any exercise going at her pace and scale and if I do it on my own, we are not doing it together. Plus, she gets upset if I make progress and she doesn't. But we have to do it. I don't really believe in dieting because it takes away too much of my life and if I cannot live the life I want to live, then what is the point. Another story for another day.
I am going to have to get my eyes checked, also. I need new glasses probably but what I am having trouble with is my right eye. If I had not had the surgery already, I would say it is cataracts, but I am told you cannot get cataracts again, once you have them replaced. There is nothing for them to grow on. I am getting the exact same symptoms as cataracts in my right eye. Not sure what else it could be, but I will need to make an appointment for that also. A fuzziness in my right eye most of the time. Maybe a new prescription will do the trick but since I do not wear glasses now, except at night when I remember to bring them, I don't really want to go back to using glasses. I wear them when I read also but just magnifying lenses and not full prescription ones. Maybe it is time to go back to using them. I can't see my phone anymore so that is always a problem. and there is usually a lot of fine print on computer devices I need to see that I have to magnify with my phone in order to see them these days.
Man, we just have a lot of problems. And I am tired of talking about them. Biggest concern is my mental health, but I suppose Juanita having cancer is bigger, I just don't think it is a big deal yet. If they get it all this time, it should not come back for a few years. The way I am going, I don't know if I have a few years. I am starting to really worry about it, even more than I have complained about it in the past. I keep hearing and reading about things that are exactly my problems, and as I said, most of them end badly.
It's a good time, had by all. I am going to leave this for now. Have to do my hourly thing again (that's pee for those who have not followed along). I will close this and start a new one once I have my work done. Shouldn't be too long. Then again, if I fall off the ladder again, I will make sure to break something so I can get workers compensation and never have to work again. Let's hope for a fall.
Until next time,
Later
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