Been a whole day since my last entry. Man, has a lot happened since then. I played video games, I watched TV, and I slept. Oh, and I also walked to the shops, without the dog. I had coffee and got rolls for my beef stew. It's a full life and not a lot of time for meandering.
Kids get back today. I think they are staying the night with me. Not sure what I am going to feed them. I am having one of my special dishes that no one likes but me. Onion, bacon and cabbage. All fried together with a few other things thrown in. The special ingredient that makes the dish is caraway seeds. I add a lot of those and it seems to bring what otherwise would be a bland dish with no real taste into something I really like. Gives me gas but I love it. I sometimes serve it over rice, which I will probably do this time as Maeghan doesn't like the dish but she loves rice. I'll make her something else to go with her rice. William will probably have either chips and gravy from the chicken shop or macaroni and cheese. Might make him a pie and sausage rolls. I have enough for one of them but not both.
I did buy some rolls and I have a lot left over. I will need to make something to go with them for tomorrow night. Not sure what yet, maybe I will make the corned beef I have in the freezer. William doesn't like that either but he loves the rolls. I have some cauliflower I need to cook soon so I might add that to something. I already added it to my breakfast omelet this morning. Just bacon, cauliflower and eggs but it was good.
I have a lot of work to do but I can't really be bothered to do it. Nothing important but I need to get back into the swing of it and doing more work instead of playing video games. The problem with the video games is that I am re-playing Fallout 4 on survival mode and I bought some DLC for it that I have not used. Since I am back at the beginning, I have to get to a certain level before I can use it so I am replaying the whole thing. Since I spent 15 days game play time on the first run through, it will be a while before I can get to that level again. And, if I do not play at least a couple of times a week, I forget what I was doing and how the controllers work. Can't go play other games because it messes with me in knowing which buttons do what.
Which brings up another thing about me and not about the kids, which is what I should be doing. I think I am losing my mind, and I mean that seriously. I don't know if it is the beginning of Alzheimer's, or just old age or what it might be but I cannot concentrate anymore. I know, it is probably just my imagination, but it is getting serious. I cannot work for very long and things I used to be able to do when programming I can no longer do. I have to write everything down and cannot remember what I did 10 minutes ago. It is serious.
I have not told anyone yet but maybe they have noticed and are not saying anything. I don't think so. Since I do not talk a lot and never have, they may not notice that I am just a little quieter that I used to be and it is mainly because I cannot remember from one moment to the next what they are talking about and I can't remember any thoughts I might have had on any subject they might be talking about. Since I have never really commented on what others are saying it doesn't really have an impact on the conversation if I don't say anything but now, I have noticed I think of something I need to add and then I forget it by the time someone else has said something else. It has a lot to do with why I cannot write in here like I want to. I just can't remember what it is I have to say but I know there was a lot I wanted to say.
Now I have forgotten where I was headed with this, not that you would ever know, but I do forget why am doing something or why I have gone somewhere or even why I stood up at times. I know, that is what everyone goes through and maybe it is what I am going through but it is really bad at times. I will think of something, get up to do it and not remember why I stood up. I have begun to mention it a lot to others but they just think it is funny and have not put together that it happens a lot lately.
I mention it here because I am scared. I have always been if not the smartest person in the room then one of the smartest. I know that sounds conceited and full of myself but that doesn't make it not true. It is just something that is. I have known a few people who are smarter than I am and there are a lot of things that others know more about than I do. But it has rarely been the case where I do not know something about anything that is being discussed and most of the time, I can see where other people are getting things wrong. I have always tried to not interfere with others beliefs or their interpretation of the facts but I have not always succeeded and have made my self seem arrogant and condescending. Maybe I am and more likely probably I am but now, I am scared because it is not that I have lost that but that I am afraid I am losing it. Could be a good thing and maybe I won't even notice it when it happens but I am noticing it now.
My life has always been about the ability to think. Not that I have a lot of information, although I seem to have a lot according to others, but I have always had the ability to think through something and figure it out. Now, it is hard. It does not come easily to me and I am afraid I am losing my mind or my ability to figure things out. It has gotten to the point where I notice it everyday. It is not nice but I am too young to have this kind of problem, which is why I am afraid that if it is happening now, then what will it be like in ten years. I don't know and it scares me. My kids need me.
I am through talking about that. Just that abruptly, I will stop. My problem, my issue, I will figure it out. Or not.
I am going to work now. Have to create some document that I use to keep information about a system. I tried to introduce this to every system back when I ran that project but I was voted down but the rest of the team. Must have been about the time I stopped consulting the team. Not that there is anyone left but I will not go into job issues again today.
The kids will be home sometime this afternoon. I am going to make them brownies. Maeghan has been asking for them for a while now.
A quick note about the kids so this is not all about me, but Maeghan says she wants to cook and is taking courses at school. I don't think she really wants to but I think we are going to start working on things with my end goal to start catering for people. We need to come up with things that are repeatable and cost effective so we can offer them to others, mostly family and friends at first but maybe a way to make money later, when I lose my job. I don't think she understands what is involved, I don't understand what is involved, but everyone tells me I should do it and I think it is about time I got started. I have ulterior motives but I will not go into that now. Just say we are going to work on it. Might even get William involved but I need to start playing sports with him. He has had no one to do that with and I used to be good at it so I will try to do something to improve his coordination and help him make more friends at school.
On that note, I am going to go now,
Until next time
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