But William, he just keeps on growing. My running joke is I tell him in a few years, he will be as tall as I am. He doesn't think it is funny. He tries to prove he towers over me already but I tell him it is because I slouch around him to make him feel taller. He's not buying it. His brother, Michael, still might be taller than him but we don't see or speak to Michael anymore so it has been several years since they were together. I won't go into the reasons for that other than to say it was their choice and their lives so let them live it as the may. I'll never go back to seeing them but he is Juanita's son, so I don't actively try to keep them apart. Maybe someday, hopefully after I am gone. Which could be soon if all goes well, or bad or whatever.
Yeah, I'm still not well and continuing to get worse. Maybe I can find a doctor that actually listens to what I am telling them but for now, I go through the tests and have them fix things that I am not actually complaining about. It's nice to have them looking after my heart and telling me there is nothing wrong with my back but I can no longer sleep for any length of time as my back seizes up when I lay down for any length of time and the pain is something I can not seem to get across to anyone as to how bad it is. I can't move, can't stay still, and almost scream in agony with every movement. It's bad. I am trying to convince myself that it is something I will have to get used to but I can't live with this kind of pain for much longer.
The big problem is the pain seems to move around. I have lower back pain, had it for years. It's like everyone else lower back pain. It can get bad and so bad I cannot walk but we all know what that is like. I can take pain killers and it helps but I hate taking pain killers for many reasons, some of which I have talked about in here. I can live with that. It's not nice but nothing countless others have to live with so I do my best. They tell me to lose weight and keep it exercised so I try my best. Lose some weight, then have more pain so stop losing weight because I can't move but its a life cycle of up and down. I'm sure it will get better some day. Just not today.
But when I say it moves around it is the new pain that is the real issue these days. It kind of started when I had the angiogram a few weeks ago. I had to lay on my back on a really hard table for an hour or so. It started hurting then, in the middle of my back but since I was not allowed to move, I had to lay there and take it. Ever since then, I have the horrible pain in the middle of my back if I lay down for a time, like to sleep or something. When I try to sit up or move or roll over, it hurts really bad. Since I roll over a lot in my sleep, the pain is near constant and I have to sit up and stay that way for a while. But the real problem is when it seizes. Nothing, no position or movement, seems to stop that pain. And taking pain medicine before, during or after the incident does not seem to help. I don't know if it is too bad for the medicine or it is the wrong medicine or what the problem is but it hurts and hurts and slowly drifts away until I can no longer feel it. Times seem to vary.
The pain moving around part is relatively new. I still get the pain in the middle of my back but somedays or sometimes, it is in my side or in both sides and sometimes across my shoulders. I can't yet tell if this is the same pain or related to the middle back pain but it comes and goes. The middle back pain is still a problem but it is accompanied by the other pain which is pretty much all the time now. Whether I am laying down or just sitting, walking or doing whatever. My sides and shoulders seem to hurt constantly. The doctor has done a bone scan and a CT scan of my back and I am awaiting the results. Have to go back this week but I don't think it is a bone problem. Then again, what do I know. The doctor seems to latch on to whatever I tell him first and stops listening for all the other symptoms. Been going to him for over a year and it has gotten much worse instead of getting better in that time. He keeps asking me if I want more pain medication but we know my feelings on that and besides, shouldn't he be telling me what I need to do instead of asking me. If I don't get a satisfactory answer this week, I will move on to another doctor.
That is the problem with some of the medical profession over here, and I assume everywhere. The doctor has a fifteen minute window for your appointment and he has to make a diagnoses in that time. There is not a lot of time to go into any details so he hears the first thing you say and starts to proscribe medicine that will fix that specific problem. He does not get into any other symptoms or problems you might be having because he does not have the time. The next patient is waiting and he has to move on. I know, private health insurance would probably solve that but we won't go into the issues with private health care right now. Just say, I am stuck with this doctor until I move on to the next one, which could be soon. His office is about 45 minutes away and there is a perfectly good medical center within walking distance of where I live now. A new, modern center that has everything in one building so it would probably be better if I made the move anyway. Juanita and the kids go to the new building and doctors so I should probably do the same. Just means I will probably have to start over with all my treatments.
And now I have spent all my time talking about me again. I did not plan on doing that. I was going to talk about William more and I never seem to have a lot to say about him and his adventures. Its either me or Maeghan or food and William gets left out. But then again, William is William and he doesn't change a lot. He is in the tenth grade and is still spending most of his time in his room. I don't think he wants to be in his room all the time but he is loud and boisterous and does a lot of talking when he is in the room with everyone else. It is annoying most of the time but when he is not talking, he has his iPad playing very loud so we have to tell him to turn it down. He ends up back in his room. We have tried to be more tolerant of it but he keeps sneaking the volume louder and louder, his and the iPad, so we have to say something and then he leaves. He refuses to wear headphones and we have bought him countless pairs to try to get him to use them but he never does.
He did have a play date a couple of weeks ago. A bunch of kids were getting together at one of their houses and they invited him over to play. I think they might have all been younger than him but I couldn't be sure. He had me drop him off and drive away before I got to see them. They did all call his name and said they had been waiting for him when he arrived. The seemed genuinely happy he was there, like he was their leader or something. But I only had a few seconds to take it all in as he was waving me away. On a weird note, I could have sworn they called him Paul when he arrived but he says they did not so I must have been mistaken. He said they were going to do it again but it hasn't happened yet as far as I know. He might have been busy when they got together again or they just haven't planned another. With all the people in our house, we can't really invite them over here but I think he would like that if we did. We will see how everything goes in the near future.
Maeghan and Juanita's trip to Tasmania is off and on. The Covid still might get it and right now, they are still banned from going to Tasmania but they are going to make a new decision after Easter so hopefully, they remove the restrictions. It will be good for everyone I think, even though they will probably be broke when they get there. The government decided to take all my income, or unemployment payments and the Covid bonuses ended last week, so I am living on less than minimum wage until I can go back to work. I think I went into that in too much detail last time but the new addition is that the government has decided I owe them money and has stopped my payments until I can convince them they are wrong. That will take weeks I am sure. But another tale that will not be told.
It is Easter morning and I am tired. Everyone will be waking up soon and I will need to feed them. I should get going and find some time to relax before all that happens. Have I ever mentioned that Easter seems to be a very big deal over here. I am not sure it is that way in other places or if it is just my upbringing versus Juanita's family but they seem to make a very big deal about it over here. Presents and chocolate and other things. Not so much on the food but since I do the cooking, maybe that is my fault as I do not do or plan a big meal for Easter. They might have done that before I got here but for now, it is just chocolates and presents on Easter morning. It seems strange to me.
I'll be going now.
Until next time
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