Well, it happened. Not sure if I said anything about this. Having not posted in several years, it’s hard to tell what I have said and not said. I can’t say I will start posting again, but I will post this for anyone who might see it.
A little background. These are Juanita’s parents. Bev and Michael. Michael suffered a stroke a couple of years ago and his health went downhill from there. Bev, or Beverly, wasn’t well but had nothing we considered life threatening. He required full time care in the end. When Natalie died, she was his full time carer. After that, we had no choice but to put them in elder care. She didn’t want to go but it was best for her to be with him. We worked a deal where they could both be in the same place. Not in the same room but in rooms across the hall from each other. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked fir a while.
Several times, we were told he would not last the week. He stayed on for three months. He was coherent at times, mostly not, and once they started pain medication, he slept most of the time.
Without going into more detail, Bev went in for a routine procedure. They took her to the hospital for this procedure. When she left the ‘operating’ room, she was not well. Before they could get back to the car, she was in a bad way and they took her to the emergency room. She only lasted a few hours after that. Enough time for her kids, Juanita, Karen and Craig, to make it into the hospital. They were able to say their goodbyes.
Returning to the elder care for their father, they were told he would not last the day. He didn’t know about Beverly but he only woke for a brief time after that. We were there for the end. Myself, Juanita, Karen and a family friend.
What it means is, within 24 hours, Juanita lost both her parents. After losing her daughter four months earlier, this is a blow very few could survive. I am relieved to say, so far it has been ok, but we are just getting into the pain and hurt she is feeling. So I am staying with them for a while. At this point, can’t say for how long but we will see.
That’s too much information for this blog but if I don’t get back to it, maybe that explains it a bit. I am including in this the tribute I wrote for them. I don’t expect anyone to know what I am talking about but maybe years from now, someone will read it and recall how special these people were to me.
Thank you and until next time.
Let me say, it’s too soon. I won’t go into it, but it’s too damn soon. We can only hope to depend on each other when we are in need and I think we are all in need right now. We won’t find comfort in dwelling on it. We will have to find comfort in each other.
Michael and Bev were my family. I won’t say they were my mother and father but when my parents passed away, they offered. They told me to call them Mom and Dad. I could never bring myself to do that, but I always knew they were there for me if I needed them.
I know there are a lot of stories and tales to tell about both of them, growing up and in the past. I only know of these by listening. I don’t know how they were back then or what they were like or even which stories are true and which are exaggerations on the truth. I don’t think it really matters. It might make them seem larger than life, but they were already that way to me.
I hear Michael was an accomplished athlete in his time. He played everything, excelled at most and was generally a man who would give it a go and would usually come out on top. I never knew him that way. I knew him as a man who looked at those days as an exciting time, full of life, and always ready to compete in whatever sport was at hand. I could really relate to that. To look at him, it is hard to see the athlete he once was. I know how that feels. Not that he regretted getting old, but the memory of what he once was and what he was capable of is always a burden we must face. There comes a point when you just can’t do it anymore, but the desire and the pride and the willingness to try is always there. It never goes away and it never went away from him. All you had to do was ask him to play the Wii and he would show that old competitive edge he always had. But I never knew him as an athlete. I wish I had.
I hear he used to be able to handle his drink, or grog as he always called it. I didn’t see that about him either. I heard all the stories about him and his mates. How they used to be out at all hours and in all conditions. Having a go, making some memories, coming back with tales to tell. It all sounded very exciting, but I guess it depends on which end of that you were on. The stories of the trouble he used to get into and the consequences he had to face are just as legendary as his ability to drink.
I know Bev would tell a different tale about those times and I can sympathize with her on that. But I didn’t know him back then. I don’t know what he was like or what damage he might have done. What I saw was a man who had changed himself. I saw a man who had seen what he had wrought and had focused on making things better. I can’t say what was good or bad, but I saw a man who had seen his errors and had, through the love he had for his family, transformed himself into a better man. I am sure he still had the desire and he probably still had the opportunities, but he chose to change, and put his family first. That’s the man I saw. Someone who loved his family dearly. I can’t comment on his past. I can only know what I saw in him, and that was a man who would do anything for the love of his family.
One thing I want to say about Michael is how much I respected him. I never knew what hardships he went through or what might have made him do the things he might have done. What I saw was a man willing to sacrifice himself for the love of his family. To sacrifice himself physically and mentally to do what had to be done for his family. I don’t know his past, but I always knew that he was willing to do what had to be done.
I was going to tell the story of one of his last days out of the house. The story of what he did for Juanita when she needed him. I can’t find a way to do it the right. I will just say that it points to why I respected him so much. It was a look in his eye, when our eyes briefly met, that told me he was in touch with God and that he knew what was needed and he would ask God for the strength to do it. Mentally exhausted, and physically unable, he reached for a strength that only God can provide and performed a miracle for his family. I know it meant a lot to Juanita, but it showed me the kind of man he was, and the kind of man I want to be.
One of the things Michael and my father had in common was the ability to tell stories. I always said, if I learned anything from my father, I would like to have learned that from him. The Michael I knew was a storyteller. He seemed to have a never-ending supply. It’s true, as the years went past, some of the stories became familiar. You got to know what was coming and where the tale would lead. They never seemed to change but one thing I did notice. It seemed he would add a little bit or change something small in the story each time. Not really change the facts but change one little thing so you were never sure if you missed it the last time he told it or he was making up something completely new. I choose to believe they were all true. And I never tired of hearing them.
One secret I want to say about his stories. When I first came to Australia and sat down and met all the family and was first getting to know them, I could never understand a word Michael was saying. I don’t know what it was. I could understand everyone else, but for some reason, Michael’s accent or speech pattern or something was beyond me. I just didn’t get it and spent a lot of time just nodding and agreeing with everything he said. He probably got a wrong impression of me but that was how it was in the beginning.
I’ve talked a lot about Michael and there is more for me to tell, but I want to say something about the Beverly I knew. I don’t know anything about the younger Bev. The only stories I hear are woven around stories of Michael. I don’t know any specific Beverly stories. That’s not to say I don’t hear rumors. She was supposedly a tough task master, demanding a lot out of everyone. But I am also told she was the most kind and generous and loving person you would want to know. That she would do anything for anybody. I understand that used to get her in trouble. Because she tended to do anything for anybody when sometimes, it might have been better to say no. But I want to tell you about the Beverly I knew.
While she could be ornery, and cantankerous, and sometimes loud and critical, I always saw her with a smile. She might be raising her voice at one moment, then turn around and was smiling and loving and maybe even sometimes laughing at herself for what she might have said or done. I don’t think she ever did anything out of malice. She would just get carried away sometimes. I really think a lot of it was she just enjoyed being with people. It may not have seemed that way, but I do think her greatest joy in life was being around family and friends. Nothing made her happier than when someone would come to visit. I think a lot of the frustration she might have felt was simply because we didn’t come around more often.
Beverly always had a kind word for anyone. She was always there with a cup of coffee, a bite to eat, or really anything just to make you feel more comfortable. She loved her family. I can’t really express how much she loved each and every one of them. It was the outstanding trait that I always saw in Beverly. She loved her family. They were everything to her.
One of the things that always surprised me about Beverly was that I think she was a lot smarter than she let on. I know we all have stories about her lack of understanding of technology or her gullibility when it comes to the internet or hearing stories from unknown sources. But every once and a while, she would say something or do something that would make me suspect that she really did understand all this stuff and she was just wanting me over there to talk to or discuss things with her. I could never really prove it, but I do think she knew a lot more that she was willing to admit to. It was just a suspicion I always had but I guess it was something she was comfortable with.
And while I have a lot of respect for Michael and thought of him as the kindest, and gentlest and the person most likely to sacrifice for his family, it is Beverly that made this a family. She did the hard work and she always tried very hard to ensure the happiness of her family. She was the glue that kept everyone together. She was the one who knew how to love and knew how to teach her family how to love each other. And while Michael was the flashing lights and the spinning top, it was Beverly that stood in the middle and held it all together. She is the one who kept the family and provided the stable ground that everyone could come to for the safety of being together.
Because that is what Beverly and Michael created. They created a family. I would challenge anyone to find a more loving and caring family than the one these two created. They held it all together. Through all of what life could bring at them. They were family. And it is up to us to make sure that we all stay a family. That we all continue to love and honor and respect each other but more importantly, we stay together, as a family. We support each and are there for each other and that we try to live up to the example they set for us.
Michael and Beverly stayed together. They proved that no matter what life brings and what might happen, that it is the strength of your love that matters. That is what they showed us. That is the legacy they have left us. It is up to us to keep that alive. It is up to us to make sure that this family continues to love and cherish each other and that we continue to support and help one another.
Michael and Beverly loved each other, but beyond all that, they loved their family.
Everyday? You must be dreaming. This cannot be happening. Then again, I have to go somewhere soon and probably won't be able to finish this. But it's a start.
I went ahead and published yesterday. I decided to start again fresh as I would have probably deleted the whole thing when I got home. And, I did see that the picture I used was the same as the last one I had used. I am guessing that is going to happen a lot as I don't remember what pictures I have posted and which ones I have not, so I will just look for a good one and use it each time. Assuming that I am going to continue this. I am still having the same formatting issues but I will ignore them.
