Someone mentioned my blog recently and I thought I would have a look at it. It has been a while, as usual.
I am debating whether I should make this post or not. I suppose if you are reading this then you know what I decided. I might take it down later as I think it might not be appropriate for this blog. But, as no one actually reads these, I’m sure it will not be noticed one way or the other.
We’ve been through some tragedy lately. Those that know us will recognize what I am talking about from the picture on the left.
This is my daughter, or technically Juanita’s daughter. Probably not the best picture I could find of her but since I am trying to do this on my phone, it will have to do for now.
Her name is Natalie. We recently lost her. She was 35 years old. She was asleep when she left us. Her husband, Adam, was with her at the time.
I wanted to say a few things about her, and I probably will, but I think I will copy the tribute I wrote for her into this blog. It will make it a bit long but this is what I gave as her eulogy at the funeral. I don't want to go into the issues I had with copying it into this entry. Just forgive the formatting, I couldn't fix it.
I wanted to say a few words about Natalie. I’m not sure I’m the one who should be up here but it is something I wanted to do and I was led to believe it is something I need to do. I’m not really sure I can get through this without breaking down but please bear with me if I don’t.
I never really knew Natalie. When I say I didn’t know her, I really mean I don’t know what made Natalie Natalie. I barely knew her as a daughter. I knew her as a friend. I knew her briefly as a teenager and I knew her as a grown woman.
But what I didn’t know was Natalie. I can speak about what I observed, about what I saw in her, what I came to understand and how I perceived her as a person. But what Natalie’s hopes were, what Natalie’s dreams were, what it was that made Natalie the one so many people loved is not something I can say I actually knew about her. Partly because she was a private person, but mostly because I never took the time or made the effort to know Natalie in that way. All I can really speak to is how much everyone loved her.
And I can truly say that everyone did love Natalie. I know that is something that is said about the people we have lost. We all look back at all the good things people have done, and look at how they have all touched our lives. But I believe that maybe, for the first time, I can actually say that there was a person that everyone did indeed love, and that person was Natalie. She was that special. She not only touched our lives but there were so many people she was an influence with, or a friend to, or just someone that everyone knew was a kind and generous soul. She was loved by all the people that I know and I don’t know of anyone who did not have kind things to say about Natalie.
And there was so much more I saw in Natalie. We all know how much we loved her but I don’t think we understood how much we all counted on her. For that is one of the greatest things I saw in Natalie. She was always there. She was always the person that everyone could turn to. We all have our differences, our different ways of seeing things or doing things. But each and every one of us could talk to Natalie. She was there for us, to talk to, to lend a hand, to just be someone who would listen. If you wanted to talk to someone, you could always talk to Natalie.
People like that are rare. We only get to know one or two people in our lives that we can say we can always talk to. Natalie was one of those. Her departure is a hole we cannot fill. We have all lost something that we will never truly replace.
I’ve thought about if I should say something to Adam. Basically, if I should say the kind words and the feelings we all have in sympathy for his loss. But I think while he appreciates the thoughts and words we try to express, he would really like for those thoughts to be about Natalie and what she meant to us. So I will only say this. Natalie and Adam is how we think of you. It is hard to say one without the other. We love you dearly and we are always here for you when you need it.
One of the things I was taught and something I have not passed on to enough people in my life is what I think it is to be a good person. I was once asked how someone knows if they are a man. I was asked when it is you know you are no longer a boy. When is it that you can say you are a man. God gave me an answer to that question. He once told me, it has nothing to do with how old you are. It has nothing to do with what you do for a living. It doesn’t have anything to do with how many kids you have or who looks up to you or even who follows you. What He said was, being a man is doing what needs to be done. Not only doing what needs to be done but doing it because it needs to be done. You don’t do it for reward, you don’t do it for recognition, and you don’t do it to impress others or to expect anything in return. It is not necessary that anyone ever knows what it is you do. You don’t have to do it because someone asked you to. You do it because it needs to be done.
You might ask what does this have to do with Natalie. What does being a man have to do with what Natalie was to all of us. I say that is what Natalie was. Don’t call it being a man. Call it being a good person. Natalie did things that needed to be done. She didn’t do them because she expected something in return. She didn’t do them because she was asked to do it. She did things because they needed to be done. Yes, you could ask Natalie to do something for you and she would. But it is the enormous amount of things she did without being asked, that most of us never knew about or even considered that someone had to do it, and it was Natalie that stepped in. It is the things that we never noticed Natalie was doing that we are going to miss the most. Things that will never get done but Natalie did without being asked, without thought of any recognition, without even considering whether someone knew she was doing it. She simply did it because it needed to be done. She did it because Natalie was a good person.
One thing I do know about Natalie was that she wanted to be a mom. That she wished she could have children of her own. I know how much that pained her and, really, all of us knowing that she was very unlikely to be a mother. It’s what life dealt her and one of the cruel things that she had to deal with. She could see the happiness and joy that children bring. She learned what being a good mother was. She learned from her sisters and she learned from her friends. She learned most what it means to be a mom from Juanita. She knew the hardships that go along with having children and the pain and sorrow and the sheer ecstasy that children bring. She learned that by watching her mother. She learned that no mater how awful and terrible life can be, that it is your children that make it all worth while. For nothing can exceed the love that a mother has for her children. Natalie knew that.
I want to try to tie this together. That being a good person is not only doing what needs to be done. Natalie did that. But it is why she did it that made her so special. She not only did it but she wanted to do it. That is who Natalie was. Natalie was a person that lived for helping other people. She did it in her work, she did it for her friends. She mostly did it for her family. Because that is what brought her the greatest joy in life. Being there for others. Being the one that we can count on. We will all miss that the most about her.
But here is what I think it means. That, in the end, it means she achieved what she really wanted in life. By doing things out of love, out of consideration, out of the tremendous joy she felt in helping others, that she was what she always wanted to be. She lived the life she always wanted. Maybe not in the way she wanted to do it, but by experiencing those joys and sorrows that are part of being a mom.
For Natalie, in a way, was mother to us all. We were all her children. She took care of us. She was there for us. She loved us and she lived to help and support us. We all loved her for that and we will miss her.
She never asked for it but I want to say something to Nat. I think everyone should say this to Natalie in their hearts.
I want to say thank you. Thank you Natalie. I love you.
